I'll Comm You Later
by nili-roshan
Summary: Jim and Spock start comming each other, Jim trying to help Spock deal with his grief, and Spock taking his frustration out on his Captain. It's easier to face each other without actually facing each other. Possible K/S, not sure yet. Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.
1. Chapter 1

Jim couldn't help it. He'd been tossing and turning for the last half hour. He was not going to sleep tonight. All the better for it; overtired Jim was as good as drunk Jim- that is, no more impulsive than usual (_What does that say about my character? _he thought with a halfhearted grin), but just a smidgen less rational.

He'd been thinking of Spock for the past week or so since they'd left space dock. The whole thing with Nero had... changed some things. Jim didn't need to know Spock for more than their brief stint at the Academy to see the difference in his character. It was rather dramatic, considering the man was half Vulcan and showed hardly any emotion. He found himself looking after him whenever he left the room, or said something particularly morose, had a dejected or hopeless expression in his eyes, and Jim always looked to the rest of the crew, wondering if they were seeing what he was seeing, but none of them had seemed to notice.

So Jim had sent off a message to Spock Prime on New Vulcan, and just that evening he'd received a reply.

_Indeed, you are correct, Jim. My younger self is struggling. If he were not that would be of even greater concern... However I anticipated more support for him in you. Perhaps it is time I intervene, myself._

Jim had been worrying over it all night, pacing around his room as he thought it over. Was it his job to ensure Spock's mental health? Wasn't that Bones' forte? And if it was, why was he refusing to even entertain the thought of involving Bones in this? Was it because he had experience with loss? It wasn't as if Bones didn't. Was it for discretion's sake? But Bones was his best friend and CMO of the ship.

At one point Jim had even strode from his room and right onto the bridge wearing sweatpants and a green t-shirt, with nothing on his feet but socks, consumed with worry and needing nothing more than to see his First Officer. As soon as he'd stepped out of the turbolift he'd stopped cold in his tracks, realizing, as his crew turned to him with incredulous expressions on each of their faces, just how bat shit crazy they all must be thinking he was.

_Improv, Kirk, improv,_ he thought, and his voice, even if it was only heard in his head, rang in the deafening silence of the bridge. Spock, he noticed was the last one to look up at him, hunched over the science station, and even when he did there was still that dullness in his eyes; his usually mobile brows didn't even twitch.

"I... I just thought I might check up on you all," he supplied dumbly. He caught sight of Uhura's face crumpling into a look of even greater confusion, and when he saw her exchanging warning looks with Checkov and Sulu across the bridge, he feared someone was about to hail Bones.

_Anything but the hypo-maniac...! _he thought, _Not at this hour!_

"And- er," he scratched the back of his head, but dropped his arm quickly when he noticed his tee was pulling up and exposing his stomach, "I lost something. I'm just retracing my steps." He forced himself to step towards the rail- just with one foot, the other rooted firmly where it was lest the turbolift doors close behind him and he lose his one escape root.

Making like he'd finished appraising the area he shook his head and held up his hands in defeat.

"Nope. Not there either. Oh well!" and he hastily retreated into the lift, slamming his finger into the door release button to the left, scanning the faces of his crew- all confounded, that is, except for Spock who had gone back to his work already. As soon as the doors had closed Jim's face crumpled into a concerned frowned.

That had been one and a half hours after his shift, and Spock wouldn't be off for another half hour, not that Jim was looking to corner him or anything...

Two hours after Spock's shift's end, and Jim was still tossing in bed, wide awake, and growing steadily more fed up.

"That's it", he growled finally when he'd had enough, flipping onto his side and reaching over to the bedside table for his communicator. Before he had time to even process what he was doing, he'd flipped it open.

"Spock? Spock are you there?"

There was a brief pause and then the sound of Spock's voice cut through Jim's quarters.

"Yes, Captain."

"What are you doing?"

"Captain?"

"It's Jim."

There was silence.

"Jim..." Spock eventually conceded. The Captain was a little taken aback when Spock actually used his first name; he forgot about Spock's confusion.

"Are you in need of assistance?"

"No?" Jim said, taking a moment to wrap his head around that last, "No. I just wanted to talk to you. What are you doing?"

"Meditating, Captain."

"Jim," a reminder.

"Jim."

"Oh. I can't really sleep," Jim turned over onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

"I believe you would do better in consulting Doctor McCoy," Spock suggested anally.

"No," Jim sighed heavily.

"Then you do believe it is something I can assist you with?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"What is it, Captain?"

"Jim."

"_Jim._"

Finally...! Some emotion. Even if it was annoyance. Jim wanted to laugh with joy.

"Well, I guess I was just wondering how you are."

There was another long silence, and Jim could feel his heartbeat growing steadily faster.

"Spock?"

"Captain, your concern is misplaced and ill-received. I suggest you do away with it at once," there was an unmistakable anger in Spock's voice then, and this time Jim didn't feel like rejoicing.

"What are you talking about, Spock?" Jim laughed tensely, hoping against hope that Spock wouldn't be able to hear the blush in his voice.

"Simply because I am _disciplined _does not mean I suffer a deficit in recognizing true intention. Do not mistake neutrality for stupidity."

_Holy shit,_ Jim thought, _I just insulted Spock, didn't I?_

"Hey, listen, _First Officer Spock_," Jim rejoined, knowing full well that conceding anything now would lose him any leverage he had in this situation- besides which he was genuinely concerned, and he wasn't going to let Spock make him feel bad about _that_, "As you've pointed out several times now, I'm the Captain of this ship, and my concern _can't_ be misplaced! Nor can I just turn off my emotions like you!"

"My duties have _not_ been affected, _sir_- I have made _most sure_ of that, which is indeed as far as your concern may go. As for your inability to control your emotions, perhaps _you_ are the one in need of counseling."

Jim sputtered into the comm. Then he slammed it shut before he could say something stupid. _The man just lost his mother, the man just lost his mother_, Jim reminded himself, _And his entire fucking planet. Cut him some slack, Kirk. Deep breaths._

But before Jim could gain any real semblance of control, his comm was flipped open again.

"You're boyfriend is an absolute dick!" he declared with a cutting gesture that went unseen, even by Jim in the dark of his cabin.

"Captain?"

"He's a dick!" Jim shouted angrily.

"What happened?" Nyota sounded upset.

"I only tried to tell him I was worried!"

Nyota let out a loud swooping breath.

"Captain, don't take it personally. He just needs his space."

Jim stared angrily at the ceiling, unwilling to concede anything.

"If it makes you feel any better, he blew me off, too," Nyota tried.

"_What! _What do you mean he blew you off? He dumped you?!" Jim's jaw hung slack and his eyes were wide beneath furrowed brows.

"Captain!" Nyota pleaded.

"He's such a dick!" Jim shouted again, and this time when he slammed his comm closed, he threw it across the room where it hit the wall and landed on the floor with a clank. Jim flipped onto his opposite side and refused to move from that position until his alarm went off the following morning, only relaxing enough to sleep fitfully for half the night.

He didn't know how to help Spock.


	2. Chapter 2

Seeing Spock on the bridge the next morning sobered Jim, and dissipated what was left of his already dying frustration. Certainly Spock was angry with him. The man had never addressed him so curtly as he did that day; it had been so blatant that even the rest of the bridge crew had noticed, Nyota shooting worried glances between the two.

The more acutely miserable Spock seemed, the more frustrated Jim got. By the time his shift ended, he was waiting anxiously in his quarters for Spock's to end as well. In the time between he sent a reply to Spock Prime informing him that his intervention was most definitely _not_ needed at this time. Jim had a purpose now, and no one would deter him. No one. Not even Spock, that bastard.

Jim forced himself to wait an extra half hour after Spock's end of shift to comm him even though his eyelids were hanging heavy, and he was propped half asleep against the pillows on his bed, dressed in sweat pants again but without a top this time; instead he raised the atmospheric temperature in his quarters (maybe, he entertained, he was channeling his Vulcan friend).

"Hey," he started, sounding as somber as he could manage when he finally decided to comm. This time Spock actually did sigh. Jim didn't see the point in waiting for further admonishment, besides which he'd decided to take a different approach today, and that meant he needed to direct the conversation first, himself.

"My hand is all sore from signing all those data pads today. Did you set the Yeoman up to it?" he chuckled.

"That is an illogical supposition."

"In other words a stupid question?"

"To quote many a Terran, there is no such thing as a 'stupid' question."

"No, only inquisitive idiots."

"Indeed," Jim could practically see Spock nodding in agreement. That made him the inquisitive idiot, didn't it? Jim laughed loud and short.

"I'm not illogical, you know," Jim said after a moment; Spock seemed perfectly content to sit quietly on the other end of the comm link, likely doing the Vulcan equivalent of seething- looking at the floor rather than the logical act of looking directly ahead, "And it is, in fact, my concern."

The 'it' went unstated, because- though Jim thought his logical appeal might dampen Spock's burning wrath- he knew the _content_ of his appeal was still an unwelcome subject matter.

"Indeed it is not. My personal affairs are my own, just as every crew members' on this ship is theirs. I might also site again that my professional performance has not been affected, and therefore cannot be sited as justification to intervene."

"It has, Spock. I expect a certain decorum from the crew- a friendly and open demeanor- and you've had neither. I realize you might just need time, but you're my friend, too, Spock, and that's why even if you might think I'm misplacing my concern, I'm bloody not."

"_We are not friends_," Spock returned. Jim glared at his feet, his legs stretched out before him, teddy bear style. Evidently this wasn't going to go much better than it did last night.

"Heck yeah, we are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"_Fucking yes_."

"Negative."

"Affirmative."

"Indeed not."

"_Yes._"

"_No._"

"Screw you we are!" Jim snapped the comm shut before Spock could say more.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim had never figured his Vulcan First could behave so juvenilely but he _had_. When Jim had entered the bridge the following day, Spock had greeted him with a simple and resounding, "No."

Jim had stared at him as if he had just met his first alien, but before he could volley back a "Yes," of his own the Yeoman from the day before was back to bother him with yet another PADD. Before Jim turned to her he caught a vindictive flash in the Vulcan's eyes, something fiercely sinister even if the downward tilt to his head wasn't enough of a give away all on its own.

He fucking knew it! Spock was sending the Yeomans!

Well... He would get his revenge when he accomplished what he'd set out to do: firstly to assure Spock's mental health, and second (just added and the more important of the two- at least where vengeance was concerned) to befriend the bastard. And then he'd grin a shit-eater's... er- a shit_-eating-_ grin and say- _FRIEND, AND I FUCKIN' TOLD YOU SO._

Throughout his shift Jim slipped, "Yes," into his speech and commands.

"Sulu, how much longer?"

"Approximately 30 minutes, Captain."

"_Yes_... I see," with a subtle glance in Spock's direction.

Spock on the other hand didn't seem to grasp the art of subterfuge or simply refused to participate in it- Jim thought the latter. Spock simply waited for a quiet moment on the bridge to slip in an unadorned and incontrovertible, "No," which was made all the more so by his quiet manner of speech. Meanwhile he diligently (or stubbornly, depending on how you looked at it) feigned ignorance to the odd looks that were thrown his way whenever he did; Jim thought he was making a total ass of himself, but his attempts at subtlety weren't so great either.

"_Yes,_" the Captain coughed.

Several moments later, "No."

At some point the crew began to catch on and were thereafter looking back and forth between the two as if viewing a- to coin a popular Vulcan turn of phrase- 'fascinating' tennis match, and with Jim as Captain and Spock as Commander, it was a wonder any of them were surprised at the drama on the bridge; throw Bones into the mix and they'd make a down right stage of it.

On his way out after shifts end, Jim strode into the turbolift and turned with a pleased sort of air, only to clear his throat and when the doors began to slide close, he bellowed, "_YES!_"

He was not the least bit concerned that he was disrupting his crew's work (Nyota even speaking quietly to a Communications Specialist on a nearby passing vessel had to cover for her Captain afterward); actually, Jim derived an odd amount of pleasure from seeing the crew all jump, even Spock a little. Keep them on their toes. In any case, Jim was committed to his cause- and he didn't need anymore incidents like the last time, pretending he had lost something off his person and was retracing his steps... No, he would much rather put it all out there. The last thing he saw of the shaken and disgruntled bridge was an unmistakable look of disgust on Spock's face. Jim laughed maniacally in the privacy of the turbolift, but quickly composed himself as it drew to halt in the lower decks, letting him off near the mess hall. The line, he thought, was drawn not at the crew outright witnessing his mad genius but at witnessing the pleasure he took in _being_ a mad genius.

And so later that night it was _Spock _who commed Jim, and Jim, unsurprised, only grinned when Spock jumped straight into censure- which seemed pretty halfhearted, but still. After a few supporting facts he came to the heart of the matter, "Your behavior is petty- and exceedingly inappropriate for that of a starship Captain."

"No, you're petty, and _your _behavior is exceedingly inappropriate for that of a _First Officer_- _and_ a Vulcan." Jim smirked at the comm in his hand, lounging on his bed again.

_Oooh,_ he'd gotten Spock there.

But something strange had happened, and Jim got the distinct feeling that there was some awkwardness on the other side of the comm if the quiet rustling noises were anything to go by.

"It is true that I have not been as successful in mediation as I hoped I would be."

Was Spock opening up to him? _Him?_ James T. Kirk? Did this mean his persist-annoy-compromise strategy was really working?!

"I had intended to speak with you on the matter, Captain," the Commander's tone was especially somber.

"What is it?"

"I believe it would be best if we spoke in person."

"No, tell me now," Jim pressed. He'd gone from laying back, to sitting on his butt, and finally to kneeling in the middle of his bed.

"I... plan to resign after the completion of this mission, so that I may return to New Vulcan for rehabilitation. As you have noted, I am not in full control of my faculties, and perhaps despite my intentions it _has_ affected my duties. I will concede the possibility at least."

"No."

Jim gripped the comm in his hand tightly.

"Absolutely not. You can grieve on the ship. You don't need to go New Vulcan."

If Spock left, then he wanted to go, too. It wouldn't be the same without him. Jim felt his heart clenching. Maybe things weren't exactly like they were between Spock Prime and him, or Jim Prime and Spock Prime, but that didn't mean he didn't appreciate what they _did _have- even if it was only enmity, antipathy, and the shared command of the _Enterprise_... Which really _was_ all they had, and yet it had somehow given rise to at least a weak sense of mutual respect and companionship. _Like a marriage_, thought Jim. He relied on Spock to take over for him when he needed a break, to support him, to make up for his shortcomings (of which he had many)- and he was to do the same for Spock (who also had many).

"Captain, I have attempted-"

"You've hardly given it anytime at all!" Jim had clambered to his feet and was now standing on his bed, his limbs spread wide in disbelief and appeasement which, of course, Spock was totally unaware of. "Look, I know I've been a dick-" Jim bit back his words. _ But I'm going to try to help now; I promise I'll do everything I can to support you; I didn't know; _and, _I'm sorry! _"But just give it a little bit more time. If you don't feel differently in- a month- then I will happily take your resignation- I mean not _happily_, but not unhappily- well, yes, unhappily, but not- you know-"

"Captain-"

"Isn't it illogical for you to make such rash decisions?"

"You are mistaken if you believe my decision to be rash or if you are under the impression that I am in haste to resign."

"Then take your crappy jacket off and stay awhile!"

"I am not wearing any outerwear at the moment."

"Oh, for the love of God, Spock- Just forget it! Look can you agree to just play it by ear? We don't need to decide on a date right now."

"...I may allow for that concession."

"Good. Thank you. Anyway, if your not 'in haste' then why the hell would you tell me this _now_? You're supposed to be a genius- couldn't you have figured out to wing it on your own! I feel awful!" Jim's chest still felt tight, and there was a heady relief running through his veins; it wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but it certainly wasn't comfortable either

"If I am not mistaken, _you insisted_ I inform you of it."

"You can't just drop hints like that and expect a guy not to be curious! You ass!"

"You are perhaps the most juvenile man I have ever met."

"Yeah, well, you're not so-"

The comm beeped deftly as the line went dead.

"Bastard!" Jim declared, and plopped down on his backside, frowning in thought.

Something told him he was going to eat his words... At least a few of them. And maybe he already had because not only did he feel bad about the fact that he'd let Spock come to feel (or think) that it would be best to resign- he'd then pointed the finger at Spock himself for saying anything. How was Jim supposed to help if he acted like he wasn't willing to know what was going on?

Not even that so much as the fact that he'd basically said Spock should have figured it out on his own _because he was supposed to be a genius_, and that he'd made it sound like he _wasn't_ or at least that Jim didn't think he was. That couldn't be further form the truth, though. Spock _was_ a genius, and Jim was just a donkey. Asking Spock to wing it? _Fuck me,_ he thought. Not hours before he'd said that he'd been thinking how they had a relationship akin to a marriage and that they made up for each other's shortcomings... Spock thought things out when Jim couldn't, and in return Jim was supposed to lend that analytical prick some of his spontaneity.

Jim recognized he'd been pretty damn hypocritical, and he was demanding of Spock some things he had yet to give in return, buthe_ was _trying. He was damn well trying. And he wasn't going to give up until Spock wanted him to- _really_ wanted him to.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim was in turmoil the next few days; his shit-eating grin really had become a shit-eater's grin.

Spock- probably having taken rightful offense at what had been said- only spoke when the opportunity to insult Jim arose.

Jim had to exercise every last morsel of his self-control not to rip Spock's face off, swallowing back even the most creative counters he thought of. After 6 days he had something of a permanent grimace on his face, as if he were tasting something foul. And despite all this, Jim persisted in comming his Vulcan friend every night, feeling out the conversation and just going with it. Apologizing- he'd since decided- was not something he could tackle at the moment, after all he was just barely holding on. Even though they talked about trivial things mostly (and never anything to do with Vulcan, and certainly nothing to do with the late Mrs. Sarek), their conversations always seemed to end in argument, and not once had Jim ever left off with a simple, "Good night," or "See you in the morning, Spock" because one or the other would always cut the transmission before that. Spock's most explosive outrage on the sixth day was what turned it all around. It had started with Jim saying something stupid (_What else is knew?_).

"Have you sparred with Lieutenant Goto before? I did for the first time yesterday. I was impressed," Jim said, tucking an arm behind his head.

"No, I have not," Spock replied, "I do not generally spar with non-Vulcans."

"I think you should. Actually, I was thinking the entire crew should- practice sparring I mean. Wouldn't it be logical and tactful if the entire crew was trained in basic combat?"

"...Perhaps."

"And it's enjoyable. Lieutenant Uhura sparred with me today, too," Jim chuckled mischievously, "Why in the hell did you ever break up with her, Spock? She's an amazing woman."

"Pardon me?" Jim could hear Spock shifting on the other end of the line.

"Why'd you break up with her?"

Spock asked, "Am I to understand you have been conversing with her- upon the subject of our private relationship?"

"I wasn't talking behind your back! I was just venting a little," Jim shrugged helplessly. He might be a pretty emotional guy, but he really wasn't any good at this sensitivity shit.

"Indeed?" Spock's voice was growing quieter and more controlled with mounting anger, and Jim could feel himself bracing even before he consciously knew what was coming; he felt his muscles coiling, as if to minimize the puncture wounds from Spock's flechette words.

"Oh, don't overreact! _It was nothing_!" ...And to maul him with his own, more boisterous outrage- in this instance taken as a precautionary or preventative measure.

"Whom else have you discussed my personal affairs with?"

"No one! For christ sake, Spock!" He knew the man was intensely private, but this was taking it to a whole knew level. Not that Jim didn't expect the reactivity and the anger and sadness and even the denial he sensed from his First on occasions. It was, Jim supposed, all part and parcel of losing almost everything you'd ever known.

"I see. You simply intended to undermine what I have given to you thus far, instead asking Nyota for information that perhaps I did not wish to share with you or information I would have shared with you had you asked me directly."

"Nooo. No. It wasn't like that. It just came up, and that was the _only _thing that was said."

"That you didn't have intention- _poor_ intention at that- is an insultingly obvious fallacy such that leads me to conclude that you are very much capable of deceit _and_ manipulation."

"Spock-!"

"You may be a moron, Captain, but your astonishingly simple mind will not serve you as a defense this time. Furthermore, knowing you harbor such a disingenuous dimension of character truly begs the question, _why should I trust you_?"

Jim was temporarily stunned, and he sat gawking at the comm in his hand, leaning back in his chair with his feet crossed on the desk top; now however, he uncrossed them, planted them on the floor and frowned.

Spock was quiet on the other end.

"...Spock, if you choose to believe that, I can't stop you. All I can say is you are so fucking wrong. Maybe not about me being a moron, but about everything else, yeah, you are." Then all the things Jim hadn't been able to say over the past few days, the apologies and the explanations, came back to him. Jim knew this was the moment he had been waiting for and that once again his intuition had served him right. "I have never- ever- had anything but the best of intentions. I have never manipulated anyone or been disingenuous. If I'm guilty of anything it's of being a coward and too impulsive and too stupid- but that's all.

"I realized the other day when you said that you wanted to resign how much I rely on you to support me- more than I have anyone in my life, except for maybe Bones. I would be devastated if I lost you as a First Officer. No one makes up for my faults- balances me out- more than you do; you're a fucking genius, you think things through, and your a hell of a lot braver than I am. No one could ever fill your shoes. No one could ever do what you do for me- even when your screwed up like you are, you're still heads and tails above the other guys.

"When I figured all that out, I realized you deserve and need the same thing from me; for me to show you how to be spontaneous and reckless and to let things go once in a while. I should have been there for you more when all that shit went down, but I was a lot more self-absorbed then- and God, I hope I've changed- No, I know I have. That's beside the point. Look, I just- I trust you explicitly. I would hope that you could trust me, too. Because I would never hurt you intentionally. And know that I'm willingly to do anything for you, anything you need. I've been trying Spock. I have. I don't know what to say-" Jim knew he was starting to sound like a girl, getting all choked up, and sounding desperate, but even after all he had said, he still felt the need to say more. How could Spock possibly understand his meaning? Especially when Jim hardly understood it himself.

His worst fears were realized when through the oppressively heavy silence Spock said, "I require time to consider what you have said," and the line went dead.

The desolation was so immediate that Jim was taken off guard by his own irrationality. _This doesn't mean he doesn't accept_, he told himself. _Don't look into it too much, _and yet he still felt for all the world like Spock had just told him he hated him.

"Dammit it!" he cursed, standing and pacing on the spot.

A/N:

I'm posting the next chapter right away. Let's get her done! Lol, no, seriously. I forget to update otherwise.


	5. Chapter 5

(A/N: I updated 2 chapters at once in case you've gone straight to chapter 5.)

4 hours spent pacing about his quarters, and Jim had tired himself out enough to lay down, and lay _still_. He alternately glared at the ceiling and buried his face into a pillow, but continuously did he curse Spock's name. Another hour later, and Jim was no longer really awake, just barely conscious of himself and his surroundings when the blip of his comm followed quickly by Spock's voice startled awake.

"Captain- _Jim_?"

He'd been laying on his stomach when the call came, his face pressed stubbornly into his pillow even though he couldn't really breathe. He arched back, not bothering to wipe the corner of his mouth for drool, as he reached for the bedside table. He fumbled a bit with the communicator in his rush.

"Hello? Spock?"

"Yes."

Jim felt uncertain.

"Thank you for comming me."

"Indeed. And thank you for notcomming me."

"Your welcome," Jim said, trying to mentally prepare himself for what he knew was coming.

"I have considered what you said."

"...And?"

"...Would it be... less challenging if we discussed this in person?"

"_No_. Definitely not," Jim rushed to say. He couldn't conceive of facing his First.

"Then we are in agreement," Spock actually sounded relieved.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I apologize to you, Captain. I have greatly slandered you, and I have said a number of cruel things. Do you forgive me?"

"Yes," Jim answered- no hesitation.

"I must say that while I may not discern any sort of dependency or resolute compatibility between us, I certainly do not disagree that we have between us respect and camaraderie, perhaps even a tentative friendship.."

"That's great, Spock-"

"I have not imparted all that I wish to impart just yet, Jim. I think it is important for me to tell you that I do trust you- explicitly- and that I am happy to have your trust in return. In fact, I can assure you that were there not this unstated trust between us, I would not have had any of these conversations with you. Also... I must apologize again, for- if I am to believe what you are saying, which I must after my last concession- you have never harbored ill intent toward me; if this is truly the case, then it follows that you've harbored only _pure_ intentions. To think of my poor conduct these past several weeks under such conditions- suddenly I see that I was at the height of offensive, vulgar, and disparaging. If you are harboring any self-blame, I implore you to please amend that; it is not you who has been selfish but I. I have done naught for you, and you so much for me. You have been an outlet for me, withstanding all that I have doled out, and still maintaining this false conviction that I am somehow innocent- Your faith in me, when I did not- do not- have faith in myself that I am a good person-"

"You _are, _Spock."

"There is no excuse for-"

"Losing your mother, your home, your planet is all the excuse anyone could need. You could have gone on a murderous rampage, and I still would have understood. Anyone would. It's normal to be angry, Spock."

"No- No, not for Vulcans."

"Your mother was human. Maybe that's why the human part of you is reacting so strongly."

"Nevertheless. Please know, Jim, that I am sorry; I did not mean what I said. I would never wish to damage you either, if that is what I accomplished-"

"Enough, Spock! I know you're worrying that I don't understand, but I do. I was in your position not too long ago, begging and pleading that you would understand, but I... care about you, so even if I don't completely understand- which I do- it isn't going to change anything.."

"Indeed."

"And just to get it out there... I know you feel even-keeled right now, but, Spock, it takes longer than that to move on from the sort of destruction you've seen. I'm not going to be disappointed or deterred if you get angry at me or need me for any kind of support. I want to help if I can." _I want to be the only one to help if I can, _Jim thought.

"Thank you, but I will still endeavor to control myself," Spock replied.

Then there was a moment of quiet content. Jim sensed that Spock was basking in his own relief- that suddenly nothing seemed impossible anymore, and all was as it should be. He really felt for the first time in his life his full value- his hope, his determination, his vigor- because while he may not be _needed_ (just yet), he was definitely worth something to Spock to warrant his acceptance and faith, which he promised to himself Spock would always have from him in turn.

"So. What are you up to?" Jim flashed a grin, unseen.

"Meditation, Captain."

"Jim."

"Jim."

"I guess you wanna get back to that then, huh?"

"That would be advisable."

"Right. Okay." Jim chuckled to himself, "I'll comm you later."

A/N:

Yaaay. My first ever finished multichapter fanfic! (Nobody needs to point out that I could have made it a one shot with page breaks, okay?) =D

Thank you for reading, and thank you again for your happy reviews- I enjoyed reading them!


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